I am such a burnout. No, not like a 70’s teenager with long hair and a roach clip hanging from the rear view mirror of his love van. I mean I am burned out. I mean, it’s not surprising. I have a full time job, am writing 3 different books, volunteer at a local nonprofit, am on several neighborhood committees, counsel Veterans a bunch, and take care of a large house, small garden, and a 78 pound German Shepherd, all while trying to maintain a family. Whose friggin idea was all this? Oh, right, mine.
Am I the only one who does this? From what I gleen from conversations with my brethren, no. It is something we all do. Why is it, after serving our country for many years to decades, working countless hours in austere conditions, when we could be chilling a little bit more, do we find ourselves wrapped up in a thousand little projects until we overwhelm ourselves so much that we drive ourself to drink or lose our RIP-It soaked minds?
There are so many parts to this, let’s break it down one by one. First, we are gently groomed (insert sarcastic voice) to never be idle in Chapter 2 of our life, our time in Service. Except for the time when we were part of the SP4 mafia and we used our sham shield to completely goof off, we were always busy or someone found something to make us busy. If we weren’t training, then hip-pocket training kicked in, followed by cleaning something or taking something apart and putting it back together super fast. Nonstop action. But here is the thing; we had high levels of resiliency then, because we had to. We were trained to be be able to keep moving under the most stressful circumstances because if we didn’t, people would die.
When we took off the uniform for the last time, we were left with a huge conflict. We still had a desire to be busy because we were taught to always be busy and because we have that personality that says to keep on serving. But, we realized that we didn’t need to hang on to that resilience any longer because nobody was going to die if we didn’t make our bed. So, we maintained our workload but dropped a part of the process which enabled us to deal with the workload. As a Sergeant Major, I was able to handle multiple tasks at the strategic and individual level without emotion or issue. Now, when the internet goes down in the middle of an MMA fight I lose my freaking mind. Why? Because my brain figured out I no longer needed that previous level of resilience.
The difference in one trait staying and one dropping off the face of the earth was WHY we had these traits. We had the “never stop moving” trait because if you did stop moving, you were a slacker, lazy, or letting down a small or large group of people. The last one was the biggest. Nobody wanted to be the Warrior who let other people down or got them hurt or killed. That is a mortal sin in the military. Letting yourself down or getting yourself hurt was tolerable and was your own fault anyway. So, we maintained the work ethic of ensure your actions don’t hurt others but worry less about yourself.
How many of us go out of our way to take care of others like our family and friends but take crappy care of ourselves? Nature of our Warrior beast. We give and give and take time to volunteer to help others at the expense of our own physical and mental health. How do we deal with our health? We drink and laugh it off. We over commit ourselves until we can’t do anything for anyone including ourselves. We are burned out. Not a great place to be in, I know. We get angry and resentful at others and ourselves. And it can take a long time to get back to doing things.
So, how do we fix this? Well, the key is not get burned out in the first place. I am a firm believer in a lifetime of service and being a productive member of society. But, as I recently discovered from a couple of family members, sometimes you have to stop to smell the roses, not get caught up in the rat race, and live in peace. We can’t be great friends, siblings, spouses, and parents if we are burned out. And when we are ready to start our mission again, we go at it at a manageable pace, and not try to maintain a ridiculously high OPTEMPO. We also have to realize that it is ok to make small mistakes, that things are going to go wrong, and that we can deal with them without freaking out all over everyone.
It is that simple. Ok, that’s a lie. It is not simple but it is doable. Stead pace, relax, do right for the right reason, help for the right reason, accept your failures or bumps in the road, and be at peace.
I would like to tell you that if you get overwhelmed to give me a call, day or night. But, honestly, I just don’t have the bandwidth for that anymore. Most of us don’t. I am here most of the time. But if I want to give quality help I have to not try and give a huge quantity of help. We need to pace ourselves. We’ll, I now know I do.
—SGM DTB—
I read your article and was thinking you could use EFT/tapping. I, and others I know use it and it will lower stress, anxiety leaving you relaxed. I’ll leave some info that will explain my experience with it and I’m not alone. EFT / tapping is a therapy based on acupuncture only without the needles simply tapping on the meridians. It’s used to relieve stress, anxiety, PTSD, physical pain to name a few. I was introduced to EFT/tapping by a Chiropractor for my back pain, I used it and got relief from the pain. Then I found out it was useful for emotional issues. I tried it on emotional issues yet didn’t always get satisfactory results. I contacted an EFT Practitioner and went for treatment. I had written to him regarding what was going on and some of my issues so he understood what I was dealing with. We met and after a short talk we started tapping. We went right to a battle from VietNam that had really, REALY, bothered me and within 15 minutes the feelings of Hell and Horror were gone, all that was left was sadness. He said we could do another round of EFT to clear the sadness yet I said ‘NO’ I wanted to keep the sadness, ‘It was Honest’
That’s how I got started using EFT/tapping for PTSD. EFT/tapping is easy to learn and use on yourself yet I recommend using an EFT Practitioner for deep issues. To illustrate how simple it is my son taught his grade 6 class how to use it and when his teacher was telling me, with excitement in her voice, “and we got results!” EFT/tapping is offered at the VA Hosp and you can learn how to do it online, for FREE. There is a TED TALK on YouTube by Dr Pets Stapleton , who is a research professor at Bond University Australia entitled ‘Is Therapy facing a revolution?’ She will give more info and talk about the results of 10 Universities, 10 year clinical trials with EFT and their findings, ”Spoiler Alert ” they found EFT superior to all other therapies. Go to YouTube and google Tapping Tutorial with Tim Robins. He;ll teach you how to do it and give you a little more information about EFT. EFT/tapping really works, Give it a try If you have any questions get in touch with me.