Category: Relationships

Why Doesn’t God Love the Infantry Anymore?

Belonging. We long for it, we do many things, good and bad for it. It drives us to church, sports teams, civic groups, summer camps, bars, clubs and yes, the military. It drives us. The need to belong, a core part of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, makes us seek out similarly minded, similarly educated, similar in body type, race, religion, or creed, those with similar goals, etc. as we seek approval, camaraderie, to fit in, and a long-term other than self group.

In Chapter 1, we bounce from one group to another, trying to find the right fit. At first, our parents seek out those groups for us, hoping to find the right one for our success in education, church, sports, play groups, and daycare. The groups are likely more based on their need for us to belong to a group of their choosing based on socio-economic ties, what they belonged to as kids, or maybe something as simple as what they could afford. We don’t always like the groups they pick out for us, sometimes rebelling against our parents, projecting our anger on that group later, quitting the group or just caring little about participating. Some groups will be lifetime relationships that will bring us and our families joy.

As we near the end of Chapter 1, we start to make more of the decisions for ourselves, many times to the chagrin of our parents. Hanging out with the bad crowd or kids from the wrong side of the tracks brought stern warnings from our loved ones. But now, faced with the dissolution of most of our groups as we depart high school, friends going their own way, groups that don’t extend to adulthood, and our parent’s insistence to figure out what we are going to do with our lives, we look to belong again. Some group affiliations may be forced upon us due to opportunities or lack thereof such as college.

So, approximately five percent of us join the military. The reasons are many, from family affiliation, as my choice was, to stay out of jail, to wanting to belong to something larger and greater than self. The latter is often closely related to or referred to as serving my country. We believe that serving our country is serving the greater good, we will be like the person we idolized growing up, will be done with like-minded people, and will provide a better future for us.

So, in Chapter 2, we join the part of the military we think we will best fit in. I joined as an Army Legal Specialist, 71D. Spent a couple of years doing that and realized I didn’t fit in, wasn’t the type person I pictured myself as, so I joined the Infantry. I loved the law, in fact, I would have gone to college for it had I not been kicked off my high school hockey team and lost my opportunity for a scholarship. Well, I thought I did. But when I looked around at Infantrymen like Gooch, Gordy, Gray, and others, I knew my real place. So, I went back to AIT and became an Infantryman. During Infantry AIT, our Drill Sergeants did many things to get us to bond and become part of an elite brotherhood, to really belong. One was to guide us in our belief that the sun rises and sets on the asses of Infantrymen. WHY IS THE SKY BLUE PRIVATES? they would demand of us. BECAUSE GOD LOVES THE INFANTRY, DRILL SERGEANT we would proclaim, never loud enough for their satisfaction!

We believed. We belonged. We finally made it. We finally found THE group. It was no longer just a wish to belong. It was no longer only an ideal. We faked it long enough to make it. It was real. We lovingly snubbed the other MOS’s, the other Services, civilians, heck even family to some extent. Belonging gave us confidence, meaning, courage, trust, love, and faith in something higher. Wow, we believed, with the strength of a thousand less equal men. There was nothing we couldn’t do. Drink all night, train and hump a ruck all day, rinse, repeat.

Then, Chapter 3 came. The sky was no longer blue, God no longer loved the Infantry. Why? Why did He do this? He didn’t. We did it. We made such a big deal of our separation from this glorious world where all the women wanted us and all the men wanted to be like us. We proclaimed that this new life sucks, along with all the lazy tree huggers in it. New bosses had no clue. Friends weren’t loyal enough. Civilians just don’t understand. After all, we led men into battle, were accountable for state of the art expensive gear, and were finely tuned machines capable of great peace or extreme violence. And the sky was blue because of it.

The funny thing is, if you check, the sky IS still blue. The problem is the sunglasses you are wearing are tainted. They are tainted with anger, longing for something new seemingly impossible to attain, longing for the good old days, and the belief that Chapter 2 is actually all the chapters and is over now. Chapter 2 is over, Chapter 3 just beginning. We have to look around us and inside us to find a new sense of belonging. Not just at our old buddies but to new relationships. I recall being at a Toby Keith concert after an Afg deployment watching my brethren, only reunited with family members days before, all gathering together chatting. Not with family, but with those they long to be with. I see it everywhere.

It is time to work on new relationships, at work, at home, at church, at the bar, at a local softball league. Having that new sense of belonging will allow us to move into Chapter 3. The belonging will not be the same. It might be better, it might be less. But, it needs to be something. When I retired after 23 years, I thought I would never find the same sense of belonging, of meaning, of something greater than me with like-minded individuals. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I worked for the government developing combat equipment for my brethren for about 9 years. Very rewarding, very meaningful, surrounded by some like-minded people like Pack Man, Scooter, and Big Mike.

Then, when I left the government for warmer pastures, I thought it was over again. O for 2 Smadge! I work with like-minded people who help blind and disabled companies develop and field combat equipment. I also spent about 10 years with some awesome people running a nonprofit helping Veterans transition and thrive. 0 for 3 big guys! The point is, there is so much meaning to be had, like-minded people out there to help change the world, or at least your little part of it, and a lot of work left to be done using your greatness.

So, don’t forget to smile at the blue sky, have faith there is more out there for you, and do your work to get there. Maybe next week we will discuss WHAT MAKES THE GRASS GROW? Until then, be kind to yourself.

—SGM DTB—

3 Stages of Dependency

As I am breaking down the entire life of a Veteran, childhood (Chapter 1), Service (Chapter 2), and post-Service (Chapter 3), so I shall break down each stage using the phases of dependence; totally dependent on others, partially dependent on others, mostly independent. I use the modifiers totally, partially, and mostly against what is normally an absolute state, dependent or independent. I do not believe that it can be an absolute state, either way, except in cases to the extreme left or right of center and likely can not be maintained for long periods with success. So, I will use the modifiers.

When I speak of dependency, I am referring to being dependent upon someone or something to aid in the pillars of life I will explore related to Veterans’ lives; family, fun, friends, faith, employment, community, and service.

In Chapter 1, our childhood, the goal of our parents is to get us through the 3 Stages of Dependency to Chapter 2, to get to the next stage. As we are born, we are totally dependent upon others for success. Success at this stage is simply to live and grow our tiny bones, muscles, and organs. We are totally dependent upon our parents and other technically skilled providers for success. They don’t feed us, we don’t survive. Drs don’t recognize illness, we don’t survive. Teachers don’t educate us, we don’t grow sufficiently for survival. As we reach 15 or 16, we reach a state where we are partially dependent upon others for success. We may now have a job, a license and are educated enough for general survival. We still have a strong need for parents and technically skilled providers like Drs and teachers to help us get to the final stage. But here, we are able to move around, provide some for ourselves and make reasonably good, albeit not experienced decisions. As we hit the stage where we are mostly independent, we have gained some experience in the last stage, gotten smarter, are able to now head out into the world to fend for ourselves, get a job, feed our bones and our minds. Mom, Dad, and the technically skilled providers worked hard to prepare us for the next stage. Note that Mom, Dad, Doc, Teach and Coach were all preparing you for the next stage. Good work Team 1!

In Chapter 2, our Service, the goal of the military process, its leader’s et al, is to get us through the first two stages of dependency as fast as possible so we can spend the rest of the chapter at our peak. As we join the military, we are totally dependent upon others for success. Success, at this stage, is learning all the basic skills of a Warrior. We are totally dependent on the Drill Sergeants and staff to teach us how to shoot, move, communicate and medicate. If they don’t teach us right, we don’t pass to the next stage or if we do, we or a member of our team doesn’t survive. But, they feed, clothe, shelter, train, and provide emotional support for (note I spelled scream at you wrong) you. This prepares us for partial dependence aka going to our first duty station and starting to get the experience needed to apply our newly hammered-into-our-brains skills to. Here we have a chain of command, a Non-commissioned and/or Commissioned Officer to help us take those precious skills and apply them in the real, new world, more training. They are also teaching us about discipline, technical and tactical skills beyond self; how to fight and win. The career path, what we call the Military Occupational Specialty (MOS) matters some, as different MOS are more aggressive in their Warrior nature than others. All are important and needed, some demand a different lifestyle. Regardless, with sufficient training, Sarge et al get us to the final stage of dependency in service, the ability to mostly independent, maybe lead others and make decisions at a significant level. Some of us spent 4 years getting to this level of independence, some over 20 years. But note, that this is where the technically skilled providers’ roles are different between Chapters 1 & 2. As a reminder, your parents, coaches, pastors, and Drs were grooming you to get into Chapter 2, whatever that story was going to be. Their entire success was measured by how you did getting into Chapter 2 and surviving. In Chapter 2, Sarge and Sir and Ma’am’s success are ONLY in making you successful in Chapter 2, not growing into Chapter 3. Their success is in making the entire force successful in Chapter 2. Chapter 2 is everything. There is very little thought about helping you be mostly independent in Chapter 3, the post-Service part of your life. Sure, there are some educational aids but most are left for you to figure out once you step into Chapter 3. And as we know, it seems we start each Chapter totally dependent.

So, here we are in Chapter 3, post-service, with a good or bad taste in our mouth about our service; we might be healthy or we might not be. We started out the last two chapters with someone taking care of us, molding us, teaching us; responsible for our success. But wait, who is in charge of that now. Me? Wait, what? Nobody prepared me for this. In Chapter 1, I was built up, taught and successfully released to the next chapter. In Chapter 2, they broke all that down and rebuilt me from the ground up. We will talk later about what they taught us. Now, at the end of Chapter 2, they have released me to the world. The transition took about 3 days on their part. Someone tries to convince us to stay, we say no, it is time, and they teach us how to write a resume, wear a red tie because red means power; how to not curse during an interview, missed that block; how to convert destroy the entire Soviet bloc or kill bad guys into something we can use as an appreciable skill. And go. Seriously, I was trained hard, had years worth of education, residential and online, day after day in the field, living an important culture that shined it’s boots every damn night, ate, drank and bled red, white, blue and different shades of camouflage and spoke acronym as a first language. And some guy in the Central Issue Facility ends my illustrious time in uniform by throwing my horribly dirty, despite never being used, canteen back at me and says square this away hero. And it is off to Camp Living Room, Fort Arm Chair, The Block, Mama’s House. This ought to be easy!!

Until next time.

—SGM DTB—