Category: Chapter 3 – Life as a Veteran

The Role of Mentoring

Who was Mentor? He was a guardian and teacher of the son of Odysseus during the Trojan War. The word Mentor is also Sanskrit for advisor or counselor. Do you have a role in mentorship? In advising and counseling? In being a guardian?

In life, after spending many years or decades in the military, we find ourselves in that role, whether we choose it or not; formal or not. Many, like my good friend and brother Clay, are drawn to teaching tomorrow’s leaders, our youth, and do it well. A full career serving his Nation and he continues guiding and advising our youth, to make our Nation better. Another brother, nicknamed Panda, who once told the funniest joke any human has ever told, served as a Police Officer in his community and home schools for his 4 kids. That is a mentor and guardian of our Nation and our people.

I could go on with the list of other teachers and guardians and mentors I know, for hours. I joined a disaster response nonprofit made up of mostly Veterans a little over a year ago. As a volunteer leader, my role is to mentor newer volunteers who are interested in becoming leaders in our organization. I have a volunteer leader who covers one of the four areas I cover. As a new leader, I have been mentoring him on mentoring others. We have had a ton of conversations about what our role is and how we go about it. I would like to share some of the highlights of the conversations that I think we could all benefit from, as mentors to whomever we are guardians of.

One of the critical things in mentoring is finding out what the mentee’s desired end state is. Leading them down our path because it is easier and a path we know isn’t the best way to go about it. We have to figure out where they are, where they want to go and figure out a way to get there; their path. How do we do that? We talk. We reach out, we ask questions. If you aren’t comfortable communicating, truly hearing, and wisely speaking, then mentoring might not be your thing. If you can listen to hear, not listen to respond, then this advising thing might be for you. If you can’t wait for them to shut the hell up so you can answer, yeah, this might not be your gig.

You don’t have to be the smartest person in the conversation, simply be willing to help someone figure out their path, and the steps along the way, recognize when they vary from the path, and recognize when they get to the end of their path. Having experience, patience, and understanding will be key along the way. Your mentee may get frustrated as time goes on. They may get angry if they stray from the path and waste time. They may be sad when they fail. So, your role is to motivate them, remind them of the goal, demonstrate your faith in them, and pick them up when they are down. Your role isn’t to hand them the results as much as it seems as that would be the easy way. It would provide no real sense of accomplishment for the mentee and will have ultimately been a waste of time on everyone’s part.

The best mentor is an informal, in-the-background, quiet counselor who is more just a friend and confidant than some contractually agreed upon formal manager of goals. Real mentorship is just organic and happens naturally without either person really recognizing it as a task. I have been fortunate to be part of the Command Staff on the last couple of Operations I have been on with a great mentor. She wasn’t assigned to me as a mentor, and wasn’t given the task of making me better, she just did. She jokingly referred to her style of leadership as a benevolent dictatorship. It was kind of true. She provided her Objectives and let her Staff do their job. Every now and then she would gently steer us back onto the proper path without telling us what to do. Just a friendly nudge of a reminder of the goals ahead of us. That is mentorship.

I saw on social media, the other day, someone soliciting for a mentor. I thought to respond that you really should get that mentoring from someone you trust, not a stranger. The relationship must be one of trust and honesty. Can we get that from a total stranger with possibly no common interests or basis of trust? It is possible but less probable for the likelihood of success. I am sure my friend Clay didn’t immediately start mentoring. He likely developed a trusting relationship with the kids before they trusted his sage (read old) advice. That is organic.

I think you will find that you mentor every day. Teaching your kids right from wrong. Coaching Little League kids in more than just strikes and balls. Teaching Scouts about fishing, kayaking, camping, survival, and life and chatting with other Veterans over coffee about how you deal with the struggle of transition. Some of these roles seem as if they are formal. Really, the initial development of the relationship is formal, but the mentoring develops through the trust built. So, build those relationships, mentoring when can you, be a mentee to improve yourself, and help grow our Nation!

SGM DTB

The Folly of Faith Part Deux. The Faith Continues

Many months ago I wrote of The Folly of Faith. I discussed having faith in something, anything. This wasn’t referring to a religious faith, but rather our faith in something good, a faith in belonging, a faith of trust. Any faith, really.

Do you still have faith in something or do you feel hopeless? Maybe you vacillate between the two? Probably. Every now and then, in order to stave off hopelessness, I count the ways I have faith. Many of these things are unconscious acts which I appreciate more than if they were forced and demonstrate a base faith, in something.

One of the things I spend time doing, to occupy my brain and not occupy the bottle, is tending to the flora, fauna, and vegetables on my property. My gardens. I spend alot of time preparing the soil, planting the seeds, ridding it of bad weeds, giving it nutrients like water and food, and then harvesting the fruits of my labor. Pun intended. Or is that a double entendre?

I realized that I am doing this, subconsciously, on faith. I have faith that I know what I am doing. I have faith that my time is well spent vs do something negative. I have faith that all my work will bear fruit or vegetables or blooms. I have faith that I will be proud of my accomplishments.

I also spend a bunch of time taking care of our pool. I make sure the chemical balance is right. I scoop the pine needles that fall from the trees who obviously think their job is to dirty my pool with their offspring. I vacuum the bottom of the dirt. I scrub the walls to make sure the algae doesn’t hold. I clean the pool toys. This is all on faith. I have faith that I am maintaining the right chemical balance. I have faith that I will prevent algae and other gunk from forming. I have faith that my nephew and niece will enjoy playing in the pool with clean toys. I have faith that it will be a source of joy.

I think, by now, you are getting the point. Faith is everywhere. Even when we feel hopeless. We just have to open our mind to it and let it occur naturally. Stop fighting it and let faith bring you joy. Does it really matter if my pool is clean and my garden grows in the grand scheme of things? No, not really. What does matter is that I am not hopeless, thinking that there is no meaning in Chapter 3 of my life. What matters is that the roots of faith take hold in my soul and sprout forth good clean and fruitful results.

What simple things do you do that demonstrates faith in something, keeping hopelessness away?

— SGM DTB —

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

The Love of Admiring Failure

My Household 6 went away for the weekend to shop and giggle with her best friend. So, I did what every red-blooded, steely-eyed American Warrior would do. I sat around with my dog, Red, drank fake beer, and watched the Warfighter Exposition live on social media. This was the inaugural showing from AUSA. The part in particular that caught my attention was a conversation between the Sergeant Major of the Army (SMA), a few Division- and Corp-level Command Sergeants Major, and an executive leader from the University of Alabama athletic department.

The conversation was about culture in a team environment and how things have changed due to the nature of society changing. While the boomer in me wanted to remind SMA Grinston that when I was in culture was not a problem, that we lived and breathed the Army way, I understand what they were saying about the changing times. But, most of all, I noted his comments about how we “admire failure.” This isn’t what you think. He didn’t mean that we support failure. He meant that we stand around looking at it and don’t do anything about it.

Failure is part of life. It is inevitable that at some point, or many points, we will fail at something. In our spectrum of Family, Fun, Faith, Friends, Future, and Employment, we are bound to fail. If we are the typical Warrior, we will likely get divorced. We may not succeed at the first job in Chapter 3 of our life, post-Service. We may lose family and friends as we struggle with leaving Chapter 2, our time in uniform, and move into Chapter 3; a strange new world. It is what we do with that failure that defines our character and what the future holds for us.

If we fail and then just sit there and do nothing, admiring it from afar, then we are doomed to stay where we are or regress even further. It is ok to fail. It is not okay to not learn from that failure and execute change management to do better next time. For example, many of our brethren have an issue with alcohol addiction. It was part of an accepted, or expected, culture in Chapter 2, but runs afoul of longevity, and sometimes the law, in Chapter 3. So, many of us, like me, trying to improve ourselves and keep our spectrum of Family, Fun, Faith, Friends, Future, and Employment working properly, decide to abstain from drinking. Awesome! For more on that, please check out my article My Two Best Friends Want to Kill Me. Sometimes, during this process we relapse and use again. And that is ok. Many in the addiction world would treat this as catastrophic, start your clock over, reset you back to the beginning, and focus on the failure.

This is a bad time to admire failure. Instead, we look at the people, places, or things which may have triggered us into relapsing and make a change. Maybe you thought you could hang out with your old drinking buddies again and not cave into their peer pressure. Or maybe it was the stress of something that made you go back to your old ways of coping, drowning those voices in Mr. Jack Daniel’s Magical Elixir. Here, here is where our character is called to be firm and resolute. Here is where, instead of simply admiring our failure, we look to professionals to help us find other ways to cope with stress or pain or PTSD. Here is where we decide we can no longer hang out with those friends in an alcohol-driven environment. Here is where we learn from failure and do something to not make the same mistake again.

During our time training, or executing the training, we had After Action Reviews to learn from our mistakes so we didn’t do them again. We never admired our failures. Good leadership didn’t allow it and peers let you know it wasn’t acceptable. So, we need to make sure we act as our own good leadership, our own peer-pressure, and fix things when we fail. As I paraphrase the great Admiral McRaven in his famous speech to the University of Texas, “you will fail, you will likely fail often. It will test you to your very core.” But, you must learn from it and do better next time, starting now.

We can all fail. But we can all, also, do better because of that failure. Just don’t admire your failure. Be safe, do good, and then do better! Our Nation needs you to lead the way to Victory, at all costs!

—SGM DTB—

Burnout Before Dishonor

I am such a burnout. No, not like a 70’s teenager with long hair and a roach clip hanging from the rear view mirror of his love van. I mean I am burned out. I mean, it’s not surprising. I have a full time job, am writing 3 different books, volunteer at a local nonprofit, am on several neighborhood committees, counsel Veterans a bunch, and take care of a large house, small garden, and a 78 pound German Shepherd, all while trying to maintain a family. Whose friggin idea was all this? Oh, right, mine.

Am I the only one who does this? From what I gleen from conversations with my brethren, no. It is something we all do. Why is it, after serving our country for many years to decades, working countless hours in austere conditions, when we could be chilling a little bit more, do we find ourselves wrapped up in a thousand little projects until we overwhelm ourselves so much that we drive ourself to drink or lose our RIP-It soaked minds?

There are so many parts to this, let’s break it down one by one. First, we are gently groomed (insert sarcastic voice) to never be idle in Chapter 2 of our life, our time in Service. Except for the time when we were part of the SP4 mafia and we used our sham shield to completely goof off, we were always busy or someone found something to make us busy. If we weren’t training, then hip-pocket training kicked in, followed by cleaning something or taking something apart and putting it back together super fast. Nonstop action. But here is the thing; we had high levels of resiliency then, because we had to. We were trained to be be able to keep moving under the most stressful circumstances because if we didn’t, people would die.

When we took off the uniform for the last time, we were left with a huge conflict. We still had a desire to be busy because we were taught to always be busy and because we have that personality that says to keep on serving. But, we realized that we didn’t need to hang on to that resilience any longer because nobody was going to die if we didn’t make our bed. So, we maintained our workload but dropped a part of the process which enabled us to deal with the workload. As a Sergeant Major, I was able to handle multiple tasks at the strategic and individual level without emotion or issue. Now, when the internet goes down in the middle of an MMA fight I lose my freaking mind. Why? Because my brain figured out I no longer needed that previous level of resilience.

The difference in one trait staying and one dropping off the face of the earth was WHY we had these traits. We had the “never stop moving” trait because if you did stop moving, you were a slacker, lazy, or letting down a small or large group of people. The last one was the biggest. Nobody wanted to be the Warrior who let other people down or got them hurt or killed. That is a mortal sin in the military. Letting yourself down or getting yourself hurt was tolerable and was your own fault anyway. So, we maintained the work ethic of ensure your actions don’t hurt others but worry less about yourself.

How many of us go out of our way to take care of others like our family and friends but take crappy care of ourselves? Nature of our Warrior beast. We give and give and take time to volunteer to help others at the expense of our own physical and mental health. How do we deal with our health? We drink and laugh it off. We over commit ourselves until we can’t do anything for anyone including ourselves. We are burned out. Not a great place to be in, I know. We get angry and resentful at others and ourselves. And it can take a long time to get back to doing things.

So, how do we fix this? Well, the key is not get burned out in the first place. I am a firm believer in a lifetime of service and being a productive member of society. But, as I recently discovered from a couple of family members, sometimes you have to stop to smell the roses, not get caught up in the rat race, and live in peace. We can’t be great friends, siblings, spouses, and parents if we are burned out. And when we are ready to start our mission again, we go at it at a manageable pace, and not try to maintain a ridiculously high OPTEMPO. We also have to realize that it is ok to make small mistakes, that things are going to go wrong, and that we can deal with them without freaking out all over everyone.

It is that simple. Ok, that’s a lie. It is not simple but it is doable. Stead pace, relax, do right for the right reason, help for the right reason, accept your failures or bumps in the road, and be at peace.

I would like to tell you that if you get overwhelmed to give me a call, day or night. But, honestly, I just don’t have the bandwidth for that anymore. Most of us don’t. I am here most of the time. But if I want to give quality help I have to not try and give a huge quantity of help. We need to pace ourselves. We’ll, I now know I do.

—SGM DTB—

Nothing is over, nothing.

Reminder to self, watch Rambo, First Blood. We Warriors who study war and political science know that the Jihad against so-called Infidels is not over. Last August, we left Afghanistan and news of our presence is Syria, Iraq, and the Horn of Africa is very light to non-existent. The news from the current conflict in Ukraine covers page 1 in all outlets and page 3 through 5 are all about which political party did what to whom.

This focus on other things causes a distraction to the need to continue to be prepared to fight this fight. Such is how it goes in Chapter 3 of our lives, post-Service. No longer faced with 0600 runs in the dark, training in Battle Drills 1 through 6 every day, rigorous attention to detail cleaning our weapons, and resilience to handle it all with a smile and grunt, we lose focus on being a Warrior and relegate it to page 6 of our lives.

Just like news or fads like high-and-tights fade over time without us recognizing it, so does our Warrior Spirit. No longer faced with a rigorous schedule starting with Physical Fitness Training, we choose to sleep in a little late and vow to “work out later.” We get up, go to work, hopefully, grab a protein bar for breakfast, and hop into our car, now sitting on 1/8th of a tank and grumble off to work to stress hard over what seems to be a highly important matter of why your boss is nagging you. Sound familiar? Me too.

When things no longer become a matter of life or death, a matter of letting down your brethren, a matter of trying to maintain your equipment impeccably or risk it failing, we drop our guard. It is natural. Let’s face it, it is unbelievably stressful to maintain perfection for our whole careers and then, when it is over, keep it up. Also, we no longer have a need. If your bed isn’t made perfectly, tight and square, no leader is going to yell at you, so relax. If you don’t do PT before work, and then are too tired to do it after work, it is OK, no bad guy is going to chase you anyways. And worst of all, if we no longer need the resilience of a dog on a bone, we let it relax, and our stress level starts to go up.

So, who cares if I can’t max the new Army Combat Fitness Test? Or as I like to call it, SMA Dailey’s Attempt at Leaving a Legacy like General Shinseki Test. But I digress. I care because we swore an oath to defend this Nation. That oath never expires, right “former-Marines?” No, we aren’t going to suit up and charge into the front lines. But we are here to lead, to set the example, to maintain ourselves under pressure, to help our fellow man and woman, to protect the marginalized and bullied, to stand up for those who need our help

We can’t do that if we are a blubbering mess. Remember, just because you no longer wear the uniform, doesn’t mean you aren’t still a Warrior. Clark Kent could still lift a car one-handed even without his cape. Maybe you are just having a hard time finding meaning. If so, read this. Regardless, it is important to maintain ourselves as Warriors, leaders, protectors, heroes. It is no less important to protect marginalized members of our society than the people of war-torn Afghanistan. In fact, they are our people, so one could argue they are more important when it comes to fulfilling our oath.

We can only be that Warrior if we continue to practice resilience, maintain our body and mind, and remember to never leave a fallen citizen. It isn’t that hard. Take the dog for a 2-mile walk, no time limit. Stop and smell the grass like the dog does. One of my favorite exercises is yard work. Cutting trees, planting a garden, mowing/weed whacking the lawn, trimming the hedges (to clear fields of fire). This may not build massive biceps but it builds decent strength if not at least maintaining what you have. A basic Warrior home gym is simple and cheap to build. Weight vest (or plate carrier), medicine ball, sandbags (full, for you Air Force Warriors), and a pull up/dip bar. Combine that with body-weight exercises and you can maintain and build muscle, endurance, and physical and mental resilience.

While we don’t need to maintain our vehicle like we were about to go through motor stables inspections, we need to keep it clean, serviceable, and ready to be used in an emergency (aka keep at least a half tank of gas at all times). Remember all that extra stuff you got issued that you didn’t turn into those miserable picks at CIF? Why isn’t it packed and ready to go in an emergency? Convert it from a pile of memories into a Bug Out Bag with food, water, fire, first aid, and shelter that could be grabbed in an emergency. Do you have a safe with all of your credentials in it, like car registration, titles, licenses, etc? Great! In an emergency are you going to carry that with you? If the answer is a “hell nah” then digitize everything and download it to your devices like cell phone or tablet. In an emergency, the internet may go down, but your device will still work. Remember, Battle Drill #1, React to Contact, is just the beginning of the next few Battle Drills. Don’t be stuck in BD#1 because you aren’t prepared to execute another Battle Drill.

Are you protecting your Nation’s marginalized citizens? Do you intervene when you hear racial or bigotted epithets (Marines, I provided a link so you could see what that word means, you’re welcome)? No? Didn’t you swear to defend this Nation against all enemies? Isn’t the biggest internal enemy to this Nation bigotry and and hate right now? So, stand up for them. If you don’t is your oath valid? I don’t care what side of the political spectrum you fall on. Common decency is apolitical. We served alongside every race, gender, religion, sexual preference, and creedo, willing to protect them at the cost of our own life. Why won’t we at least intervene in these wrongs now? Maybe you did end your oath. If you aren’t willing to do this, maybe you should stop pretending you are a Warrior. Was Leonidas simply a great fighter? No. He was a leader, protector of right, slayer of wrong, a leader for good. He, and many of his Warriors laid down their lives against an overwhelming force to prevent his women and children from being enslaved by ignorant bigotry. A Warrior protects those who need protecting. Many of us may have a great hate for a certain religion due to a bunch of extreme members of that religion having killed our best friends. Understood. But do we stand up for the 2 million Uyhurs who are enslaved, raped, murdered and imprisoned in north-western China? I would hope so. Separate your personal beliefs that prevent you from doing right.

I have covered addiction on a couple of occasions, most recently in My Two Best Friends Want To Kill Me so you already know the importance of maintaining a control over that. You can’t be a Warrior, proper, if you are in your cups or hitting the pipe all the time. And don’t tell me you used to do it all the time in Chapter 3 of your life. If you were anything more than an E4 and getting hammered every night, you WERE NOT at 100% the next morning. It WAS affecting your leadership and performance. Fact. You just didn’t know it. Now you do.

So, let’s get back to doing instead of just being. The Soldier’s Creed still applies in Chapter 3 as it did in Chapter 2, just a bit differently. You still serve the people of the United States, you still have equipment and yourself to maintain, and you are still a guardian of freedom and the American way of life. Or aren’t you?

—SGM DTB—

This Chapter Sucks!

How many times have you said that, saw it on social media, or heard a friend say it? I literally see it all the time. I haven’t discussed the true basis of The Warrior Chapters in a long time. Maybe it is time we go over it again.

I was reading an old high school friend’s post on social media where she talked about the “new” and “better” her, so felt the need to remind my brothers and sisters that there is no “better” or “worse” part of your life. There are crappy and great things that happen in each chapter, but one chapter is not decidedly better than the other.

Most of the time I see Veterans talking about how this part of their life, Chapter 3, sucks in comparison to their time in uniform. It really doesn’t, it is just different. If we get stuck comparing one thing to another, one thing will always be less. In order for one thing to be better, the other thing has to be worse. And if you happen to be part of the thing that is less, you are stuck in a negative cycle that you simply cannot get out of. Think about athletes who get traded to a team that isn’t as good as the team they were just on or those that compare this year’s team to the team they were on when they won some championship. If they stay in that mindset, they will perpetuate that losing feeling and the results will turn out as expected. So, it is time to break that cycle.

Let me add one more piece to that. My Household 6 (wife) once pointed out that I sometimes view Chapter 2 with rose-colored glasses. When I reflected on this, I realized she was right. While we like to talk about how amazing Chapter 2 was, there were plenty of times it sucked. Remember those times digging a fighting position in the wet, red clay of Fort Benning? Was that awesome THEN? No. It sucked. Remember that time when you were at a professional education school watching endless death-by-PowerPoint lessons while your daughter had a ballet recital of The Nutcracker? Yeah, that sucked. Remember that time when you were on duty for the third weekend in a row and your spouse was frustrated because they were doing all the work at home while you “hung out with the guys” and you got in a huge argument? Yeah, that really sucked too. Remember that time you had a crappy Platoon Sergeant who didn’t know his ass from an azimuth? Uh, that sucked. The point? If you really, and I mean really, look back, it wasn’t all sunshine and unicorns. Unless you were in the Air Force, then it was.

Back on task comparing this chapter with the last one. There are some great comparisons made every day, that while are neat to reflect on, are just detrimental to our positive mental attitude. Was it exciting to fire all sorts of weapons, machine guns, grenade launchers, and missile launchers? Oh, hell yes. But, was it exciting to spend hours cleaning them on some concrete floor later that day? Was it exciting to go to REFORGER and see the German countryside, meet local people and drink high-octane good beer? Yep. But was it exciting to not shower for 30 days in the field? Or more importantly, was it is exciting for your nasty-ass buddies to not shower for 30 days in the field? Was it exciting and amazing to deploy to Afghanistan and finally get to put all that hard work to use? Well, duh. But was it exciting to watch your buddy get shot, run to a bunker every time the sirens sounded or be in a COP that was surrounded on all sides by peiple trying to kill you? Less so. So, are we really comparing apples and apples?

All this comparison is going to do is going to drag you down to a pit of despair, feeling of no meaning in life, feeling of uselessness, feelings of “why am I here?”. There is almost zero possible way for a comparison to come out positive for us. Instead, just let Chapter 2 BE Chapter 2. Why compare? How about instead of comparing we simply reflect on those days? It is merely another paragraph in a chapter of this book of life. There are good parts, bad parts, meaningless parts, meaningful parts, parts you never want to forget, and parts you wish you could forget. And as they say, parts is parts.

I get it. Working at whatever job you might currently have is not as exciting as watching tracer fire go down range towards our intended target. But, it’s better than watching tracer fire coming back towards you, the enemy’s intended target. It is part of this chapter, no better or worse than the last one. We cannot compare everything to Chapter 2, forever. This job, this relationship, these co-workers, these friends, these people we encounter, these experiences we have are just another part of life. Write them down in your book with the same vigor you write down the other experiences. At the end of all of this, your friends and relatives and, in fact, the world, is going to remember your entire body of work, not just Chapter 2. It is all your story and it a has value because it is about you, and you are valuable.

All of you means something to someone else. Critics look at authors and their entire body of work. The world will look at you the same. Make your entire body of work worth reading and every chapter as important as the last.

—SGM DTB—

Writing an OPORD for Your Healthcare

Healthcare for Warriors in Chapter 3 of our life, post-Service, is likely one of the most challenging aspects of our transition out of Chapter 2, our service. Whether you served 4 years or over 40 years, like my Dad, SGMB1, particularly if you were combat arms and /or deployed, you are likely facing many healthcare issues that the average citizen will not face. Add to this the challenge of living in rural areas where access to the VA is a day-long event or simply not a possibility due to work or family requirements and you have a recipe for physical and mental disaster.

How are we going to address all the issues we face as we age? Who is going to help us diagnose and treat our boo-boo? How are we going to plan and manage all the different treatments, medicines, physical therapies along with our normal life? Simple, we write an Operations Order (OPORD) like we did throughout our military career. The OPORD told us what the problem was, what we were going to do, where we were going to do it, why we needed to do it, when we we were going to do it, and who was going to do the what, where and when of it.

Let’s break down the basics of the OPORD for our non-Veterans who have never seen or heard of one. First of all, the OPORD tells the who, what, where, when, why, and how of any mission we conduct. It starts at a high level of command and then passes down to the next level of command, with them rewriting it to reflect their part in the mission, all the way down to the lowest tactical level. It can be an extremely complicated and lengthy written or oral explanation of the mission and it usually includes some sort of pictorial display of the actions. Most times, at the lower levels, it is done surrounding a sand table, which is, in simple terms, like playing with army men and tanks like we did as a child, to represent all the aspects of the mission. It can be much more complicated at higher levels using technology with overlays, drawings etc.

Sand table

The OPORD has five major parts: Situation, Mission, Execution, Sustainment (formerly Service & Support) , and Command & Signal. This process has numerous sub-paragraphs and is always written in the exact same format including information in each sub-paragraph. Let’s talk about how this pertains to Warrior Healthcare.

How does an OPORD pertain to the thread of healthcare? Simple. It is an all-inclusive, well thought-out, written plan.

First, we identify the issue up front in the Situation. If we don’t identify the situation (aka problem), then we will never get to the root cause analysis to be able to use the Military Decision Making Process (MDMP) to come up with Courses of Action (COAs) to solve said problem. The Situation might be as simple as: My physical health is declining due to degenerative arthritis, hearing loss, and my mental health is declining due to PTSD. These issues are causing me to have issues with mobility, social activity, employment, and relationships. Currently, I don’t have a medical provider but do have family support.

Second, the Mission. The Mission is the who, what, where, when and why, with anticipated outcomes. This is the over-arching, 30,000-foot level statement of the path you are going to take. For example, it might be something as simple as: I will engage my primary care provider to address arthritis, PTSD, and hearing loss, at the Mytown VA on Sep 99th, 2220, in order to improve my relationship with my spouse, improve my attendance and quality of work, and be more physically active. Note the use of active voice with terms like improve and be more. Active voice refers to you doing the action. For example; I will engage my doctor to fix me vs I will be fixed by my doctor.

Third, is Execution. Execution is the meat and potatoes of the process. The Execution will explain, in detail, exactly what will happen along the plan, the things that will happen if the plan must change, and the timeline of tasks tied to who is doing them. This includes scheduling appointments, follow-ups, referrals and coordinating insurance etc. It includes checkpoints along the way that can identify progress and verification that you are still executing the mission in accordance with your (the Commander) intent. These are validation points that keep you moving or may cause a Fragmentary Order (FRAGO) if the plan is not working and needs a shift in the attack. The details are very important. Knowing where you are going, how you are going to get there, and how to recognize when you are there, or close, is vital. Get the major parts written own first, then break down each part into more detail.

Fourth, is Sustainment. Sustainment is commonly referred to as “beans, bullets, and batteries.” It is all the supplies you need to execute the mission. That might include your properly registered and licensed vehicle, along with the budget for gas for all these appointments. Think about what else you need to go to the doctors. A map or GPS on your phone. Your ID card. Your insurance card. Proper clothing for physical therapy. A notebook to write everything down with. An app to track expenses. Insurance forms if you have to submit claims that way. Foam roller or rubber bands for physical therapy at home. All these things are important to your process and hence need to be planned for and budgeted for.

Fifth, and final, is Command & Signal. It includes a list of people who are providing support such as doctors, counselors, drivers if needed, family members who might be providing child care services, co-workers who can cover shifts. It includes their phone numbers and addresses as well.

So, there you have how an OPORD can help you with your healthcare. Does it really have to be an OPORD? Damn straight, Private! This ain’t Camp Do What You Want, young Specialist! You don’t live in Fort Freelance, big Sergeant! And get off my grass, Staff Sergeant! If God had wanted you to walk on my grass he wouldn’t have invented sidewalks.

I could go a lot more in depth about each paragraph and sub-paragraph but I think you get the idea. This OPORD is a little different than the normal OPORD as it will change, mostly through more detail, as time goes on, more appointments happen etc. Having it all written down in one place will make those changes nothing to worry about. If you don’t have it written down, changes will stress you out and cause your loosely-constructed plan to fall apart. For more details, pull out your copy of the Ranger Handbook.

In closing, plan your work and then work your plan. You will find that writing it all down, in detail, with all information in one place, your will reduce your stress which will allow you to focus on recovering more, your family, your job, and your health. Make it happen hooah!

—SGM DTB—

4 Reasons You Quit Serving

Many Warriors spend between 4 and 40 years of their life serving, and then quit. After a storied, good, or bad career of training, schooling, leading, and possibly a deployment or five they simply quit. Why is it? Hold on before you get your undies in a bunch. I’m not saying that when you leave military service you are a quitter. We all have to leave sometime.

I am implying that many will quit SERVING after they leave service even though there are a ton of opportunities to. Serving doesn’t just mean wearing a uniform. A Warrior does not quit serving their Nation and its citizens simply because the guy at the Central Issue Facility took in your cleaned-up load bearing equipment and was the final person to sign off on your out-processing form. Ok, I guess I wasn’t implying it. I came right out and said it. If you have been following my blog (subscribe below) you would know that I am pretty forthcoming with my thoughts.

First, let’s look at why Warriors join the military before we dive into why they quit serving. A study done by Krebs & Ralston showed that 43% of people who join the military do so out of a sense of patriotism or duty. The rest for employment or out of desperation. So, let’s talk about the 43% who said they joined because they wanted to be hooah. The other 57% percent, while great Americans, didn’t sign up forever. Many want a unique set of skills. Some sign up for the education. Some sign up because they need a job or have no other options. We all have buddies whose options were the Marine Corps or jail.

But 43%, said that they did it out of a desire to serve, very admirable. So, why do most quit serving after they take off the uniform? If it was so important to risk your life, your health, your relationships, your everything, why was it no longer important after you shredded your Common Access Card?

And what am I talking about when I say “serving?” I am talking about doing for others, doing for your Nation, doing for your communities, and doing for your brethren. Let’s look at the best example I can give you, the first SGM Bean, my Dad. SGMB1 served his country all of his life. But not just in military uniform. My Dad worked and volunteered so much of his time to this great land that his sacrifice can never truly be repaid. When he wasn’t on duty, which was often, he also was a dispatcher for the local police and State Police. He was actually struck by lightning once while on the phone taking a call but still managed to finish his shift. He also worked as a Deputy Game Warden during the busy hunting seasons like deer and bear where, while trying to apprehend some deer jackers, his partner drove their blacked-out car into a rock forcing my Dad’s un-seatbelted head into the dash and his tobacco pipe down his throat. When he wasn’t doing that, he was likely at a Rotary Club meeting or helping somebody work on their car at Cassady’s Garage.

He did all this, along with serving in uniform for 42 years until he was riddled with cancer, retired, and died. Many, including me at one point, will ask why. Why work your entire life, giving, just to die 3 months after you retire? That is a valid question that I had as well. I once swore I would not be like my father and work until I died, as if he had done something wrong. It was my line of thinking that was wrong.

It was a few years after my own retirement while I was working as a Department of the Army civilian that I realized I was the biggest dummy in the world. My Dad’s way of thinking was right. Why wouldn’t you work your whole life if your work was helping others? Why wouldn’t you serve others if you could? Why wouldn’t you devote your entire 80 plus years to helping mankind in one form or another. If you were willing to lay down your very life, as a sacrifice for others, why wouldn’t you spend your life doing the same? Let’s talk about 4 reasons why.

First, some just aren’t able to due to physical or mental disabilities Odin’s glorious Army gave them. And that is so very unfortunate. Those who demonstrated such fortitude and courage would help this grateful Nation so much if they were able to keep doing what they obviously love. But, there are many that will have to spend the rest of their life simply caring for themselves or being cared for. While I don’t pity them, because they would not want that, I pity us who will not get to have them be productive members of society for life.

Second, some of the ones who are part of the 57% signed up for the employment or out of desperation, per the study. While they are great Americans for serving for however long they did and sacrificing however much they did, their plan was to do their time, get some mad skills, and move back into Chapter 3 of their life with other things to do.

Third, and this will shake some trees, are those who are still trying to get more from our Nation because of their service. Don’t furrow your brow at me. You know that guy or girl. The guy who complains when Applebee’s doesn’t also give him free dessert on Veterans’ Day. The girl who complains when Delta airlines doesn’t give her a discount on her airfare. Or even better, the guy who refuses to shop at Home Depot because “I have to show my ID every time to get my discount.” They spend their lives not working and relying on the collective support of good citizens, nonprofits and the government. Like the guy who gets 100% medical and 100% VA plus disability from Uncle Sugar along with but when he CHOSE to move he had a nonprofit pay his moving expenses “because they should.” But I digress. These are the people who won’t continue serving because the world owes them, why should they give back? These brethren have lost their way.

Last, are the people who just don’t know they quit serving. They are likely doing their best to transition, maybe struggling with a new career or college or relationships and are simply a little whelmed with life. Not overwhelmed, just whelmed. These are the people I want to reach out to. I get it. Life can feel overwhelming. New job, different city, home with the family more, doing less PT but more drinking. There just doesn’t seem like enough time. I have been there. Hell, I might still be there.

After I left the Army, and started working for them, and my crayon-eating brethren, I also founded and ran a nonprofit for almost 9 years with some truly great people, including Household 6. But eventually, I became one of the people I spoke about last. I was overwhelmed. I had lost my Mother, Saint Jeanne Bean. I was running the MA nonprofit from SC which added to the stress. And my wife’s Mother and Stepfather were in hospice in our care. Actually, in our home using our bedroom for awhile. I was way whelmed and had to step down, which unfortunately caused the closing of my baby, The Warrior Thunder Foundation. That was in 2018, almost 3 years ago. Since then, I have done little outside of my job helping get good gear in the hands of our troops through the help of our partners who employ people with disabilities and vision impairment. But over the last month, I have started volunteering wih a local nonprofit for Veterans again. My job is certainly serving. It gives back a ton. But there is always more to do. And while I understand that I may have been lost, I regret it.

So, which one of the four people are you? Or are you still serving? Are you active in your church? Do you coach Little League? Are you an Active member of Veterans’ group? Are you a teacher? Are you a law enforcement officer? Do you work for the one of the Services as a civilian? Do you work in the Defense industry serving our great Warriors? Are you in the medical profession? I could go on but I think you get the point. Your serving shouldn’t stop when you crumple up your utility uniform into a ball in your spare closet. I’m not telling you that your sacrifice, your service, wasn’t awesome or patriotic or selfless. I’m telling you to not stop doing good for your fellow human. I’m telling you to keep doing it. Not only will you be serving your fellow citizen, but you will be doing good for your mental and physical well being.

There are a lot of opportunities out there. You have a lot of great skills, technical and in leadership. This Nation needs you. Your neighbors need you. This country was founded and is led by greatness. Well, not politicians. Business, nonprofits, Little League, your Rotary Club, your church all need you. And YOU need you. Remember how great it was doing this Nation’s work? Standing up against bullies? Protecting those who needed protection? Only the severity and horrible conditions have changed. Google™ nonprofits in your area or find something that you like to do and a way to help others do it.

It is time to un-quit serving. I am sure that whatever cause you choose it will be as rewarding. Helping is good. For everyone.

—SGM DTB—

On Suicide (Part I)

This article has been the hardest to decide to write. There is so much behind it emotionally for everyone; for parents of those who chose this action, comrades of the self-life takers, for those who would contemplate such an action, for those who want to prevent it. Look, there is no way this can be an easy discussion. And because of that we choose not to have it. It is like a car accident beside the road. We want to look. We take a peek. But we don’t tell anyone we peeked. It is time to openly take a peek. But we have to look at the real problem and the real solutions and stop with silly slogans. Open kimono, my best friend took his own life and I have been to the dark places we don’t talk about. If we are going to have an honest discussion, then it must begin with honesty.

So, here we are. We know the rhetoric; 22 Warriors a day take their own lives. We’ll, that’s not accurate. According to the 2020 VA Annual Report, on average 17.6 Warriors take their own life every day. And don’t ask me how .6 Warriors take their life. It’s an average ok? Why is this important? Isn’t one life too many? Yes. One life lost or taken is too many. But if we are going to have an honest discussion with the chance of identifying the problem, and coming up wih a solution, then we have to start with facts. Not a slogan, not a cool Tshirt saying that raises money, not the alliterative name of a nonprofit. That crap is for politicians. If we are going to talk about this honestly, then let’s talk about this honestly.

If we continue to talk with wrong numbers because we chose to name a fundraising goal or organization after it, we are slapping the truth in the face. We are taking away the individualality of those who chose this path by simply making them a cool slogan or backside of a challenge coin. To the parents, spouses, and children of victims of suicide we are saying they don’t matter, they are just part of some group that made a bad decision. Let’s look further at the numbers.

There are approximately 20 million US Veterans alive today. That is approximately 6% of the US adult population. Yet, approximately 14% of the 127 people who commit suicide are Warriors. When you adjust the study for age and sex to normalize it, the numbers are about 1.5 times that of civilians. But, these numbers are also a bit deceiving as the annual rate for our Warriors has mostly stayed the same over our longest wars, going up a few percent while the civilian population, not having gone to war, has skyrocketed almost 50%. While we consistently, in our rhetoric to sell t-shirts, talk of how PTSD in our Warriors is causing their suicides, this indicates it is not a primary or even probable associated factor. In fact, over 50% of those who took their lives while actively serving had never deployed. In fact, most were first-termers, young and male. Nearly 1000 more Warriors who took their life that were National Guard members never having been Federally activated, hence no combat, hence no combat-related PTSD. PTSD from Military Sexual Trauma is still a possibility regardless of deployment. But the VA does not classify them as Veterans. So, is combat-related PTSD the reason for the predominence of suicides? I don’t think so Carl.

Ok, we know that Warriors get beat up physically over their years in service. So, their injuries must be the cause? Well, not so fast there high-speed. Actually, Warriors who had service connected disabilities and get treatment at the VA seem to have had a lower rate. And while chronic injuries (e.g. TBI) with habitual medication use without resolution can be a large factor as hope for recovery is lost, it is still not the answer. Studies have shown that isolation is likely the biggest key in Warrior suicide.

Older, divorced, males are the highest age demographic. You know that old, grumpy, 50-somethinng, divorced, Clint Eastwood get off my lawn-acting neighbor? Yeah, he is in danger. Older Veterans, isolated and with mental health issues are a high number. For younger troops, it is likely failure to adapt to a new world as they join Chapter 2 of their life and fear what they don’t know about combat. For those in Chapter 3, it’s younger troops who don’t readjust well. I have long thought that most of this issue was an issue of adapting. Let’s be clear about what the SGM just said. I said difficulty in adapting. I didn’t say anyone was weak-minded or just “couldn’t get over it” or anything like it. I am saying we are failing to adapt to the new life and ruining others lives by taking our own.

Mental health issues in America have gone up over the last years, which can explain why some of our younger Warriors are having issues both in Chapter 2 and Chapter 3. Early studies showed that those who had pre-existing mental health issues were more likely to have a compounded problem down the military road so are now excluded from military service, generally. Today’s youth are simply different (insert “ok boomer” here). I’m not saying they are good, bad, better, worse, just different. Raised differently in a different world of not needing to cope with other humans behind their Facespace or Twitgram. Problem to solve? Ask Alexa. Don’t know an answer. Ask Google. And older Warriors isolated from family in a world they don’t understand, with mental health issues of their own, compounded by age, simply lose faith.

So, where does all this lead? What is the path forward? The path forward is to stop lying to ourselves, lying to the public, and lying to our Warriors about what the real problem is and how we can fix it. First, let’s follow this simple, but accurate, path. Pre-existing mental health conditions lead to poor adaption in Chapter 3, leading to poor social interaction, leading to economic disparity, leading to homelessness, leading to a bad ending. The path may get shortened anywhere along the way, unfortunately, due to the severity of any of those conditions, specifically mental illness. Alot of that can be alleviated through teaching our Warriors how to adapt to Chapter 3 better.

As I have stated on many occasions, our military’s inability to transition our men and women properly is largely at fault for their woes and even their suicides. Teach a Warrior how to adapt to Chapter 3, giving them ample time to determine a path forward, with experts in social interaction not just resume writers, and they will do better. Just because they can adapt to stressful situations like combat doesn’t mean they can adjust to the stress of working with people they feel aren’t as qualified as them or dealing with “whiners” and “oxygen thiefs.” It is simply not the same.

We must transition our Warriors to properly integrate with the pillars of life: family, fun, faith, friendships, employment and community. We must help the Warrior understand that his life is going to change dramatically. His relationships with his spouse, parents, and siblings has changed. In my article Why God Doesn’t Love the Infantry Anymore, I talk about the need to work on relationships. Relationships provide social integration, directly and indirectly. Directly, it is contact with another human with common goals, someone we trust, someone who trusts us, someone we need, someone who needs us. Sound familiar? Indirectly, they bring other parts of our pillars along with them. Other friends, other likes in the community etc. When we have a relationship with our spouse and children, it is also more likely will work harder to maintain employment. Employment gives us purpose, brain stimulation, and another set of possible friends with possible similarities of hobbies. Having this job, with new friends brings us further into different parts of the community. And lastly, these relationships with our spouse and children help give us faith. Faith in love, Faith in hope, Faith in a higher power. Faith in a higher power also gives us more access to more of the community, and more friends.

So, bottom line, in my humblest of opinions, with some pretty solid facts behind it, is that we need to address suicide at its root. It’s root is not wholly nor heavily from combat-related PTSD. It is from out inability to to adapt to Chapter 3. So, while it’s great that you offer free fly fishing trips to Veterans with PTSD, it is more important that you offer these opportunities to ALL Veterans. And while the VA will not solve all your problems, no health system in and of itself will, facts show that getting treatment lowers your risk of suicide. So, just go. Will you get poor treatment? Maybe. But hey, I have TRICARE and use the Military Treatment Facility and I get crappy treatment every now and then as well. Change Dr’s, get a second opinion etc. And finally, keep working on the pillars of life, which are important here to reiterate. Family, fun, faith, friendships, employment and community. Let’s transition and live!

—SGM DTB—

Cut Your Hair and Get Off My Grass! Or don’t.

According to recent studies, the Army’s decision to allow lipstick, nail polish, earrings, and ponytails in uniform has caused an increase in heart attacks in older Veterans with the rank of 1SG and above. This rise in blood pressure has also been attributed to a rise in global temperature and melting of the numerous glaciers. While goth Soldiers, Loreal, and Revlon are ecstatic, there are numerous reports of Sergeants Major all over the country barricading themselves in their houses, canceling their Army Times subscription, and screaming “not in my Army.”

As one of those grumpy, get off my grass screamers, while I spent time cooped up by my “I Love Me” wall remembering the good ole days of tight haircuts, starched uniforms, spit-shined boots, and barracks inspections, I thought about how this would affect these Warriors when they transition into Chapter 3 of their lives. I came to the conclusion, right before my cardiac cath to remove the new blockage the article had caused, that it is probably better for those who grow up in this new Army when they get out.

Now, before the Commandant of the Sergeants Major Academy flys to my house to repo my graduation ring, let’s look at this objectively. Let’s go back to, as my rank loves to say, “when I was a Soldier.” The Army spent anywhere from 13-50 weeks taking away your individual identity during Basic Combat Training and Advanced Individual Training. The “opening ceremonies”, also called a Shark Attack, took away all your civilian clothing, walkman, camera, and a picture of whomever you left behind. During that time period, you were always with at least one other Warrior, your Battle Buddy, and larger formations of people. There was no more “me” or “you”; there was only “us” or “the unit.” And so it continued throughout our Initial Entry Training on a large scale, and then a smaller scale once you got to your regular units. But it continued. Control over what you could have in your barracks room, when you could go on leave, where you could go on leave, where you could go to drink at night, etc. Your barracks room was set up a certain way with smiley-faced socks and all patches to the door. Only some of you will know what that last sentence means.

Look, I am not that old, but the leadership’s mantra back then, when you had a girlfriend or boyfriend issue was, “if the Army wanted you to have a spouse, they would have issued you one, troop.” True story. The uniformity of everything is not just an irrational decision like this decision might be, it was based on combat effectiveness. Head and facial hair were a certain length and style to accommodate the current protective masks and various headgear that were issued to everyone alike. But, intangibly speaking, it was about uniformity driving loyalty to others, not-self. If uniformity is no longer enforced, rather allowed to change based on “we asked them what they want”, a popularity contest at the Sergeant Major of the Army level, then you are taking away the very essence of loyalty, discipline, and selfless service. If equipment, e.g. headgear and protective masks change, fine, change the rule. But, not because “we all voted.” That in itself undermines the authority of leadership when it is not important what history, duty, honor, and integrity mean, rather a consensus. Many forget the Army is not a Democracy or a Republic, we serve it. So, SGM DTB, aka SGMB2 (because my Dad was SGMB1) , disagrees wholeheartedly with most of this decision, in principle and in reason, for the sake of our Army and Nation.

However, retired SGM DTB, may actually agree with this for the sake of the Warrior in Chapter 3. When the Warrior is broken down in Chapter 2, had his identity more or less removed, given the same uniform, pay, rules, schedule, job, etc. he has a very difficult time transitioning into Chapter 3. In Chapter 3, we no longer have all of those things, that weren’t really ours, but the Army never gave the original us back to us. The Central Issue Facility, while complaining about the seven year old cold weather jacket that I had lost and now had to pay for, never issued me a personality (careful now) or an identity. This is likely why so many Warriors live in the past, the glory days, “back when I was in”, have their DD-214 on the rear window of their truck, Grunt-style t-shirts, and beaucoup military tattoos, annnnd, have a hard time transitioning.

We all know the Warrior whom, in Chapter 2, never really fit in. They were always talking about “when I get out…”, complained about why their hair had to be so short or in a bun, “insert a host of other E4 Mafia complaints here”, and had no problem transitioning. It is because they never let their identity get removed, and likely didn’t last long in service either.

Things have changed. Now, the initial onslaught of smokey-the-bear hat-wearing screaming NCOs no longer conduct the Shark Attack. Back when I was in (block checked) it was a legit swarming of killer bees, for most of Initial Entry Training. The rationale is similar to the reasons for this change to the almighty bible, AR 670-1; maintaining self, individuality, a sense of belonging outside the gated-base. The Shark Attack completely separated you from Chapter 1 of your life, likely in a poor way. You probably had no skills to deal with this, breaking you down instead of just adding to it. Maybe the brighter idea is to train you and equip you with the skills necessary to deal with extreme stress, an overload of sensations, and the impossibility of accomplishment of the mission.

But here we are, and while the last few Sergeant’s Major of the Army have, in my opinion, made a litany of poor decisions, mostly uniform related, based on popularity and a misguided concept of Democracy in the ranks, and conformance with society, this decision will likely, in the end, help Warriors transitioning to Chapter 3 while simultaneously putting current retired senior NCOs in the hospital for cardiac-related events. These young Warriors, no longer stripped to the bone of identity, searching desperately for life after Service, may just easily slide into civilian life without a hiccup. I’m sorry USASMA Class 50, I can ultimately say this will be good, in the long run, for the Warrior, but not his profession though.

—SGM DTB—